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Baby

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You have always been the light that illuminated my day. Your silly smile and your secure snuggles could bring light to even the moodiest of days. It was you who encouraged me when no one else would. On days when I never felt like getting out of bed, I did so because of you. It would have never come about without your childish encouragement.

When I needed to rant, or just when I needed someone loving to listen to me, you were always there. Your strength helped me to develop mine. Time after time, you continued to point me in the way we both knew I should go.

And you always were very motherly to Fluffy, even though he might have pretended to hate you. He would always climb into your bed, and snuggle up with you. And you were a great alarm as well. Your yelping is what alerted me when he fell down the stairs, the concussion which is what left him completely blind for the rest of his life. And your yelping is what alerted me when Fluffy had that stroke, the very stroke that killed him. In his later years, he needed you as much as I did, and I think he came to realize this. Either way, you never failed either of us, not even once.

And then, the unthinkable happened. You stopped eating, and you could no longer walk with any sort of balance. At first, I thought it was because you hated your food, but buying other formulas just resulted in the same reaction. Then you started displaying all the signs of an ear infection. I would have never suspected the real cause of your problems was due to cancer in your stomach. Anything I fed you, you would just vomit everything back up because your stomach had no way to process it. I watched you wither away with no idea how to fix it. No dog should ever have to experience the kind of pain you did. When the time came for you to leave this world, I should have expected it. But yet, I kept thinking you would start feeling better tomorrow. I kept expecting you to start feeling better tomorrow.

As I buried you in my back garden, I instantly knew you deserved a proper marker. I know the stone with your name painted on it (in the same purple as your collar) is just a makeshift marker at best, and I promise to rectify the situation as soon as I can. As for your bed, and your teddy bears, I promise to leave those exactly as, and where, they are. At the very least, if I ever do get another therapy dog, they can always inherit it all, just as you inherited the teddy bears from Fluffy. I just hope the next dog would enjoy it as much as you two always did.

At this point, I am not sure how, or if, I can continue on my own. We will just have to see how the coming weeks and months lead. My comfort is that I know, even though I could never do it myself, you could always forgive me, no matter how often you saw me angry at the world, and everyone in it. I guess I will never know for sure if you knew just how much I needed your calm presence beside me, and your gentle voice telling me not to worry, that everything would be fine in the end.

I rescued you from a life of abandonment and imprisonment. But in many ways, you rescued me as well. You were my guiding light. You were my angel, and you helped to make me the man I am today. Or maybe I should say the fact that I am a good guy at all is because of you. I loved you then, and until forever, I will always love you, my sweet Baby.

And so to you, I wish you a fond farewell. You were the best companion I ever had. (Just don't tell Fluffy I said that.) Thank you, for everything.
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